Piece of Cake

Words don't come easily for me. I stutter, stammer, gather my thoughts and try again. My Emily has a beautiful gift of words. She knows how to translate the thoughts of life and put them into beautiful verse. That is just what she did for me tonight on Face book.

Six years ago when God placed (thrust) me into the role of advocate/caregiver He, in his ultimate wisdom, started me off slowly. Of course it was hard, and yes very heart wrenching but after that I kind of felt "OK that wasn't too awful bad, I think maybe I could handle this again, piece of cake". Oh yes, again and again and again He has given me the blessing of being an advocate/caregiver to loved ones and I am the first one to tell you I fail over and over and over again.

This is gut wrenching business not for the faint of heart. I am forever changed because of it though. God knew he could take my completely broken life and transform it through caring for my loved ones. Would I have signed up for this? No, plain and simple. I am surrounded by a huge circle of loving, supportive friends and family. If you are reading this tonight that means YOU. Yes, I'm talking to you. Thank you dear ones, I love you.

Hey Santa...

I'm not quite sure when "it" happened. Somewhere along the line I grew up. I no longer cared what the group said or what was "in". Imagine (age seven) kind of awkward, tripping over your own feet and breaking your arm. All the girls at the birthday party had a great time with that one.

Fast forward to High School. All of a sudden everyone had a boyfriend, smoked (cigs and pot) and once again I just didn't fit in.

Here's one for you. 1990 and we are attending a church faithfully. Having never been a joiner I'm confronted by some women who claim "I'm just not friendly enough".

So now, I've come full circle. My students come to me with stories that will guarantee "this is the worst thing I've ever gone through" Dear God, I know this isn't true. And since they put so much stock in you...hey Santa, don't disappoint my kids.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

All the songs and movies tell us this is "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" I agree, I love the Christmas season. I begin my planning even before Thanksgiving. This year I'm finding a HUGE void in my planning. I keep asking "why?" It occurred to me tonight that I am trying too hard to recreate the feeling of Christmases Past. I have all these happy memories of the Christmas parties held at my Grandma's house. I remember working so hard at my parent's Deli to prepare party trays and sandwiches for the "rich people" who had Christmas parties.

And then, thanks to the computer age, I received calendar reminders to send special cards to loved ones. Those loved ones have passed away in the past few years.

So, I go back to the Truth. "But that very first Christmas, the best gift of all was the Baby himself, snuggled up in the stall. For He taught us to love in all that we do, to love strong and forever...the way He Loves You."

The Leader of the Band

This post is dedicated to my brother Michael and Daddy.

There was a great song in the 70's or 80's (aren't those years a blur to most of us?)

The song is called "The Leader of the Band". Google it, listen deeply and try to imagine yourself in a time and space where you needed to realize the love and strength of one who has gone before you.

And so for you Mike and Daddy:

"I thank you for your kindness and the times when you got tough.

And Papa, I don't think I said "I Love You" near enough.

Happy Birthday Michael :-)

Twas the Night Before Christmas

How many of you remember the weeks leading up to Christmas when you were younger? I mean "really remember"? The smell of the Christmas tree, the huge multi-colored bulbs, the scent of fake snow on the windows. How about the gigantic coloring books with images of Santa and his elves, beautiful dot to dot creations that brought the North Pole and Rudolf to life?

I distinctly remember one special year when I received a paper doll book of the Nutcracker. It had a fold out scene that once the dolls and their costumes were punched out I could "play Nutcracker".

Please share your memories with us, right down to the orange and nuts in the toe of your stocking. Can't wait to hear from you!

Welcome December

Welcome December! I've missed you. I've missed the soft twinkly lights on our tree and stairway.
I've missed the smell of pine and cinnamon and the excuse to add touches of red throughout the house.



The puzzle table is set up to encourage family to gather in the living room and enjoy the crackling fire and the soft lights from the tree and scented candles. Yes, welcome December, I've missed you.

Silva Thanksgiving

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To Foam or Not to Foam

We have one of those run of the mill Proctor Silex coffee makers which has seen better days. Our coffee is hot if we don't add any milk or creamer but it is still "iffy" depending on the day. All that said, I'm in the market for a good coffee maker. Now, don't get me wrong, I love foam with the rest of you but mostly I like my coffee hot. We will be having quite a group for Christmas this year so I would also like to make a substantial amount of coffee without being chained to the coffee maker all day. Any suggestions? Maybe a good coffee maker with an assortment of flavorings and toppings? How about going the church fellowship hall route and buying one of those ugly stainless coffee urns and go all out and buy "special" foam coffee cups? You must understand my dilemma at this point.

HELP!!

I Will Shave My Head...

Meet my sweet friend.

Watch her video and hopefully catch her vision. Not everyone can shave their head and look beautiful but Regina can because she shines from within.

http://www.iwillshavemyhead.com/

Thank you for enlarging your heart to pray for our dear sisters who endure so much. You may or may not agree with any or all of this post but please pray for the dear ones who have already decided on their path.

Bless you on your path.

Passage of Time

There are many events that mark the passage of time. For me, it isn't Fall unless I visit the local Pumpkin Patch. (see previous post)

Or how about planting mums, lighting the first fire of the season and of course the best of all

The Sisters' Fall Show!

I had the best time today shopping at this show. Everything (that was left by the time I arrived) was so beautiful and made with love and care. I left with many treasures and a resolve to get there earlier next time! These girls are not only talented but exemplify the true meaning of gracious hospitality. Mark your calendars for the next show. I'll be there. In fact...I may be the one in the sleeping bag on the welcome mat because I missed out on many treasures :-(

Kindred Spirits

I've been watching my way through old favorites this past week. I watched Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea. I found a couple of really obscure old Debbie Reynolds movies and then tonight I watched Funny Girl.

I'd love to watch Phantom of the Opera, The Trouble With Angels and Brigadoon. Can you add to my must watch list???

Bittersweet ~~ Not Chocolate

Normally, I love bittersweet. Especially when it comes to chocolate. I can only take so much sugar then I crave that little edge that keeps everything real.

And so, with that said, I bid adieu to Catfish Books today. I just found out that our good friend and Community Pillar is closing her bookstore November 30th.

Now, when I say "bookstore" I really mean First Aid Station, Hug Central, Literacy Capital, Provider of Knowledge, Friend, Mentor...

You complete the list with your adjectives. The list could go on and on forever.

We will miss your smiling face, your beautiful window displays, your humor, your honesty and most of all your most generous spirit.

Go forth and be happy my friend. Quilt those quilts, read the books you have encouraged us to read. Do everything that brings you joy because that is exactly what you have done for all of us these past years.

I Love You!

"Bookends"

Here are my precious "bookends". Just look at them. Born 23 years apart and so alike in many, many ways. Both introspective, intelligent, sensitive and funny. Who knew a Mama could be so blessed as to have not one but two sons that would bring such joy to life?

Happy Birthday Tyler. You bless our lives more than you can know.

One Night With the King

Friends,

Read the book of Esther, watch the movie One Night With the King. Watch the video. Rinse and repeat...

http://youtu.be/qiMIPoa9Vjg

Patch of Serenity

The times they are a changing. In my "perfect world" I picture taking Mama here to the Pumpkin Patch with me. I would wheel her around and let her soak up the beauty of early Fall.
We'd stop by this precious bird bath and pause for a moment of serenity.


"Just look at the grapes Mama, ripe for the Harvest! Aren't they just gorgeous?"

Back at home with my pumpkin purchases I realize that Mama is happy speaking to the TV in her own made up language. She loves to yell at the

info-mercials on one channel and encourage her favorite team to victory on another channel.

Her patch of serenity is as different from mine as well...yours to anyone else you know.

You were right Peter, Paul and Mary

"Oh the Times, They are a Changing"

Harvest Welcome

Oh how I wish you could have been in our after school room today. Before the students arrived, I placed a mini pumpkin on each of their desks. Usually when they arrive they make much noise and declare how hot, thirsty, tired...you know how kids are.

Not today. Each one came in and saw a pumpkin on their desk and almost all of them wanted to take care of it as if it was their personal treasure!

We had pumpkins wrapped in blankets, some placed in the arms of stuffed animals and even one dear girl created a pumpkin carriage ala Cinderella complete with beads and a Lego Coachman.

Goodnight, Sleep Tight....

Our daughter, son-in-law and grandkids have been here in the month of August. We have had many meals, game times, clubhouse building and decorating adventures.
Just look at these little cuties. They have grown so much in the past month!

Just tonight Gracie was playing some random notes on the piano that were soothing notes to say farewell to.

I had the strains of my favorite Lawrence Welk song in my head as they drove away...

Good Night, sleep tight and pleasant dreams to you. Here's a wish and a prayer that every dream comes true. And now, till we meet again:

Adios, Au Revoir, Auf Widersehen...

Goodnight!

New Venture

Eighteen years ago, this date, we moved to Lake County. Al took a position as Caretaker of Lucerne Christian Conference Center. I'm not sure who this iron clad icon is in the picture but you can be sure...he/she was not on the premises when we arrived.

Our family served for almost 3 years in the capacity of housekeeping, food service and maintenance to many special retreat guests and campers. Our youngest child Tyler was born during our tenure there.

As I was filling out forms today for a different job, I realized how many years have passed since we arrived in Lake County. The county has grown leaps and bounds. Most changes have been great. I still miss Sprouse Reitz. We have much to offer as a vacation/vocation destination.

Come join us. We'll keep the porch light on for you :-)

Krummholz

He is jealous for me. Love like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy. Oh how He Loves Us.

Words by David Crowder picture from the Krummholz Grove in the Jughandle State Reserve. Krummholz comes from the German word meaning "bent wood". These trees usually grow tall and straight. The trees in this grove are sculpted by the north winds that are salt laden and kill the tips of the branches. While the trees look gnarly, twisted and ugly to our eyes they create the perfect environment for birds, insects and mammals that couldn't survive without the protection of the branches on this windswept bluff.

Yes, Oh How He Loves Us.

Brigadoon

We live in a perfect neighborhood. No really, I mean it. It's kind of like the movie Brigadoon. During the day it's very quiet. There is the occasional car passing and the mailman comes faithfully at the same time everyday.

Around dinner time the neighborhood comes alive. The nail families come home and spread blankets on their lawns and eat, laugh and talk like they haven't seen each other in years when actually they own two nail salons and work together all day. Then the pest control family comes out and rides bikes , chases their puppy and generally enjoys being outside. Ellen comes out and waters her pretty garden and I walk across the street to talk and grab an Ellen hug. She has a beautiful accent that sounds like she could read a recipe and it would taste even more delicious.

Part of me longs to grab some beer and start a middle of the street game of football toss. Two problems, I don't drink beer and I throw like a girl. More like a middle aged girl with bifocals and a shoulder that has seen better days.

Then the magic stops as the sun goes down. The nail families pack up and go inside. The pest control family puts away bikes and finds their puppy. Ellen goes inside while her garden drip dries until tomorrow night.

Sleep well everyone.

Depression

I bought a movie from the 5 for $20 display this weekend. One of the gems was "Helen".

This is a very dark yet inspiring movie for anyone who has mental illness in their family line. I'm thinking who doesn't?

Years ago when Lizzie drew our family tree she drew a noose on a branch to show that a member of our family hung himself.

This movie helps to confront the deep despair that haunts many people. It is rated R because of the theme and a couple of F words.

Please view it and use it as a launching pad for discussion if your family is going through a time of trial. Depression and mental illness runs through our family lines. We are wise to arm ourselves with all the information we can.

Blest Be The Tie That Binds

We gathered together at our home tonight to bid farewell to a family that we love dearly. Paul, Diane and Gracie will be moving back to Ohio to be closer to family and seek employment that California just can't provide them.

We had a meal together and tried to put off the inevitable goodbyes. As we gathered in a circle for prayer, our Deacon\Friend encouraged us.

No, that isn't Brent in the picture above but the very same author of the song we sang as we held hands and prayed for our friends. "Blest Be The Tie That Binds".

I encourage you to do a search on this song. The original family unpacked their wagons and stayed with their congregation because they couldn't bear to leave.

I only wish that history could repeat itself.

Farewell friends.

My Chains are Gone

"My chains are gone, I've been set free"

It doesn't seem like three years. When I visited Mom this morning she didn't have a clue that it has been three years since "her friend" went to Heaven. Actually, he is a distant, fond memory to her. The only image she can recognize is the picture of them walking down Market Street in San Francisco when they were first married. I can't even remember how many years they would have been married. I'm thinking at least 65 years.

I noticed recently that some of their pictures are put away in her drawers. At first I thought it was because the memory was too painful. Now I realize it is because Mom doesn't recognize the people in the pictures. I don't understand dementia. I'm not even sure of my role in this process. From what I have researched I know there will come a day when Mom doesn't know who I am anymore. Tyler and I treasure each day. I take care of her daily needs and he sits and watches TV with her while raiding her candy dish.

Life is good.

Happy Birthday Lizzie!

It's your birthday! I don't know anyone else who can hang drywall in the morning and look gorgeous by evening.

I hope your birthday weekend is all you deserve. Make sure those boys of yours spoil you rotten. You are loved sweetie!

Kinsman Redeemer

Here they are...our "bookends" as I have been known to call them.

Brothers. One born in 1972, the other born in 1995. So alike it is freaky at times. Both are sensitive, intelligent and love their families above all.

Join me at May 29, 2011.

We arrived at Chris' church and from the moment I saw him all wired up for speaking I knew this Mommy's heart was going to be in for a ride. The music was so well chosen. I mean, how can you go wrong with Chris Tomlin singing "Where you go, I'll go...I will follow You".

Communion followed. More breaking, more supplication.

Then my precious first born came up to preach. He preached on the book of Ruth and the Kinsman Redeemer passage. I heard every single word and have hidden them in my heart. I took notes, underlined my Bible passages, said Amen at every appropriate moment and yet all I could think was "this very true Word is coming from the very same baby that I gave birth to 39 years ago". At that time I was a very young mother of 18 giving birth to a very big baby. As I held him in my arms that day I could not wrap my brain around the wonder and beauty of my first born son. He was so perfect and sweet.

Chris and Tyler have always been man\boys. They have graced this earth as boys with huge hearts and intelligence to change this world.

All day long I kept trying to hold Chris in my arms again. I tried to hug and hold him but I come up to his tummy now and couldn't hold him if I tried. I kept thinking over the years that I held him and protected him. I tried to keep him clean, healthy, safe...and then as I sat in that group of believers I came full circle. My first born was covering me with the grace of the precious truth of the Gospel. He was comforting this hurting Mommy's heart and speaking the Truth of God that comforts more than a blankie or a hug.

Downsizing/Giveaways

We are in the process of downsizing our belongings.

After over 18 months of paperwork, hardship letters, submitting all financial information we were informed this week that the bank will be taking back our house. Ouch!

Wow, did we give it our all. Talk about being exposed to the microscope.

While in the process of this whole thing I thought why not give away some of the "stuff" that is tying us down? I had a cookbook giveaway which was a real hit.

I had a yarn giveaway that was nearly equal in popularity. Then I decided on a children's' book giveaway. Only one person showed up for that.

Don't we read to our children anymore?

The rest of the books are going to Hospice tomorrow. Don't worry my daughters...You either have all the favorites already or I am holding them back for you.

A Dream is a Wish a Boy Makes

AhHa...Mommy has a plan for her two boys to have fun
"Can I help Mommy? I'm really good at this sort of thing"

Oh My, what fun!

YES!! My Mom is the BEST!

On The Road Again

See Papa, this is how you do it
Now you try it Papa

No helmet, no GPS and then "Blake, where are you?"

Papa Visits ~~ Backyard Fun

Firepit and marshmallow roasting
Very tired little brother

Party Animal!

Just like his Papa :-)

Prom Night 2011

Just look at this cute couple!

Dalleen's heels sunk into our wet grass :-(

Aren't they adorable?

Have fun you two!

Papa Visits

Papa Al just loved visiting Lizzie, Trey, Blake and Christopher.

One of his favorite memories is just watching them interact as a family unit. They are so close and enjoy quiet family times reading, watching movies and roasting marshmallows. (Pictures to come)

Nitey Nite All :-)

Constantly Being Filled

I love to take those online and magazine personality quizzes. Especially the "half-full/half-empty" ones. I've always held the belief that I am "constantly being filled".

This past weekend brought me face to face with several loved ones whose cup was as empty as can be and my heart seemed to be breaking as I talked to them.

This morning as I sat quietly drinking my coffee and listening to Pandora the tears started just flowing into my coffee cup. I was beginning to feel empty until I saw those tears filling my cup.

It was a beautiful reminder that yes, sometimes giving to others can leave us feeling depleted and empty but for me my cup is "constantly being filled".

Old Friends

Can't you just hear the song? "Old friends, sat on the park bench like bookends..."

I don't really think Paul Simon had in mind two high school friends connecting after oh so many years, but nevertheless ~~ here they are. I'm not even sure alcoholic beverages were included in the song :-)

Actually Al and Steve were only acquaintances in High School. Steve and I were friends and Al and I were destined to be best friends forever in 1970.

Fast forward to 2011 and here they are in Oklahoma City at the home of Steve and Shelly, his beautiful wife.

The song goes on to say: "Can you imagine us years from today, sharing a park bench quietly, how terribly strange to be seventy"

If I know these two men that park bench won't be shared quietly. They will have many stories to tell and many memories to share.